When Boredom Strikes!
by SunflowerWielder
Summary: A series of one-shots, created through boredom. Current one-shot: Yuffie wants a pet. Stitch wants a family. AHA! All pairing friendship only. T for language.
1. When the Orginization watch TV Part 1

It was a normal non-existent day in the Organization

It was a normal non-existent day in the Organization. By that, I mean Axel had already set the castle on fire, and Demyx had put it out.

Now it was evening, and some of the Organization was watching 'Friday Night with Jonathan Ross.'

"Remind me why we are watching this?" Zexion asked, staring at the back of Axel's head.

"I want to see the house band!" Demyx yelled from the floor.

"Yeah, and everything else on is crap!" Roxas yelled from the sofa, causing Saïx, who was asleep on the other side of the sofa, to twitch slightly.

"We are watching Jonathan Ross, and you're talking to me about crap?" Zexion sighed, wriggling about in the arm chair. "I have a feeling I'm stuck here."

"Who's stuck where?" Luxord walked into the room, with a tube of Pringles.

"I think I'm stuck in this blasted chair." Zexion wiggled about a bit more. "Damm."

"How stuck are you on a tail of one to ten?"

"Fifty-six." Zexion gave up trying to get out. "Are those Pringles?"

"Only people NOT stuck in chairs get any." Luxord opened the tube, and threw some around the room.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're a git?" Zexion inquired, as every nobody that was awake dived for Pringles.

"Several times. There was that time when I swore in the kids playground, one of the mothers called me a git, Marly, Sora, Riku, Roxas, Larxene, Gary Russell, Elvis Presley, that lady down the Corner Shop That Never Was called me a git once…" Luxord paused, as if trying to remember someone. "Sir Alan Sugar… And you." He finished, with a nod.

"You remember everyone who ever called you a git?" Demyx raised an eyebrow, while spraying Pringles from his mouth.

"Ew. Demyx, that is gross." Roxas sighed. "And of course Luxord remembers, because he has no life."

"Do you want a repeat of the time I turned Axel into a three year old?"

"Nope." Roxas shook his head. "I am never changing another dirty nappy again."

"Agreed." Demyx nodded. "That was… disturbing to say the least."

"Yea." Zexion nodded. "Although how you nearly managed to drop him out of a window is something I'll never understand."

"Look, we'd had a little to drink, and we decided to play aeroplanes..."

"And after Axel managed to set my hair on fire." Roxas winced at the memory.

"It was an accident!" Axel yelled. "I said I'm sorry!"

"Shush!" Roxas hissed, nodding towards the sleeping berserker.

"He's got to wake up eventually!" Axel sighed, shaking his head.

"Yeah, but still." Roxas shrugged. "Do you want another 'Claymore' incident?" Axel shook his head fiercely.

"No. I still have the scars from the last one."

"The last what?" Marluxia walked into the room, and fell over Demyx.

"OW!"

"The last Claymore incident." Axel explained, still staring at the screen.

"Oh yeah. THAT. I still don't understand how you didn't die."

"He survived setting his pants on fire. He can survive having a claymore shoved up his—"

"Shut up Luxord. And I never meant to set my pants on fire."

"I never heard about that." Roxas frowned, staring confused at the back of Demyx's head.

"Yeah, well it was before your time. It was Larxene's first meeting."

"Yes. And that was one of the most disturbing and hysterical sights I have ever seen." Marluxia shuddered. "Oh Pringles!"

"Do we have any chocolate?" Demyx asked. "I am in serious need of sugar."

"There's a half eaten Easter Egg down the back of the sofa."

"…Pass." Demyx waved a hand about. "Rather eat your cooking."

"Jeez, thanks." Axel stuck his tongue out at Demyx. Zexion rolled his eyes.

"Let's play Truth or Dare!" Roxas yelled, causing the berserker to twitch.

"Meh. Got to be better than watching this." Zexion pointed at the T.V. Screen. There was a general mummer of agreement.

"O.K., I'll start!" Roxas grinned. "Axel, Truth or Dare."

"Dare."

"Eat that old Easter Egg behind the Sofa."

"EW!!" Everyone yelled, causing the berserker to twitch again.

"Okay, I'll do it." And he did. "Not that bad. The mould adds an extra degree of flavour."

"You're kidding."

"No, I might wait until all my Easter Eggs go mouldy before eating them. Demyx, Truth or Dare?"

"Uh… Truth."

"Chicken. What would you rather do, kiss Sora or kiss Xemnas?"

"YUCK!!" Demyx looked as if he was about to throw up. "Guh… Sora. Kissing Xemnas would mentally scar me for non-existence."

"I agree with you there." Roxas nodded.

"Zexion, Truth or Dare?"

"Since I can't move, truth."

"Hm… What music do you listen to?"

"Trust you to ask something like that." Zexion rolled his eyes, while attempting to remove his shoe. "J-Pop and Indie."

"Weird choice."

"Whatever." Zexion pulled of his shoe, and threw it at Saïx. "Wake up!"

"Juh?" Saïx sleepily raised his head. "What'd'ya want?"

"Truth or Dare?"

"… You woke me up for that?"

"Truth or Dare?"

"Dare."

"Run around the Garden that Never Was naked."

"How naked?"

"Totally."

"Fine." Saïx walked out of the room.

"Demyx, you're closet to the window. Is he doing it?"

"Why do I have to look?"

"I just said why!"

"Nope. Not doing it."

"CERBURUS!!" Axel yelled at the top of his voice.

"YAH!!" Demyx shoved his head out of the window. "Ur, yeah he is, and I have now lost every single part of childhood innocence I had."

"Sweet. Now, Roxas, go downstairs and lock the door." Axel commanded. Everyone laughed, and then realised something.

"Where's Roxas?" Luxord asked. There was a silence.

"You don't think Roxas took what you said literally, do you?" Marluxia asked. There was a pause. Then everyone shook their heads.

"Nah. He's not THAT stupid." Roxas ran in the door.

"I did it!"

"Great for you!" Demyx smiled, and everyone turned back to the T.V., for a good half an hour.

"Uh. Roxas. What did you do?" Zexion asked, as Jonathan Ross introduced the next interviewee.

"I locked Saïx out, like Axel told me to!" All of the nobodies faces went deadly pale.

"You do realise I was being sarcastic?"

"Sar- whatsit?"

"Oh. Damm." The door was busted in.

"_**RAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRR!!"**_

"_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"**_


	2. When the Orginization watch TV Part 2

**Part two of the Orginization's 'Normal' evening. Last part too, sadly, but I'm going to do more one-shots!**

* * *

Xemnas was quietly reading a book when he heard screaming.

"Why is everyone in this Organization totally insane?" He asked thin air, pushing himself out of the rather comfortable arm chair he was in. Then Vexen ran in.

"Superior, for some strange reason Saïx is butt naked, and trying to kill Roxas, Zexion, Axel, Demyx, Luxord and Marluxia." Vexen shrugged. "I think they've been playing Truth or Dare again."

"Oh my god." Xemnas face palmed, remembering the last time they had played Truth or Dare.

Let us just say that that game was the birth of Xigbar's scars. (It had to do with Marluxia, scissors, and a elastic band.)

Xemnas stood up and walked down the corridor and was run over by Roxas.

"OW! NUMBER THIRTEEN!! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!!"

"Running away from Saïx." Roxas explained. "He's pissed off because I locked him outside when he was running around Marly's garden naked for a dare."

"Why did you do that?" Xemnas asked, glaring at the young nobody.

"Axel said so. Then he said he was being… Sar- something."

"Sarcastic." Xemnas sighed. "Sarcastic means he didn't mean for you to do it."

"Oh." Roxas paused. "I messed up big time, didn't I?"

"Yes, yes you did."

"BERSERKER!!" Axel and Demyx ran over Roxas and Xemnas.

"OW!"

"OW!"

"Sorry." Demyx stood up. "Saïx has gone berserk and I think Luxord is dead."

"Well that's just great."

"He's Luxord."

"Your point?"

"It's not like we care." Axel shrugged.

"You're being rude again."

"I'm always rude."

"So true." Axel sighed. "I need therapy."

"Then get some."

"NO WAY!!" Axel yelled, summoning his Chakrams and spinning them around. "Therapists are a bunch of crap."

"But…"

"My chakrams say that therapists are a bunch of crap." Axel waved his Chakram's in Demyx's face. Demyx gave a loud gulp.

"Therapists are a bunch of crap, please don't kill me."

"OKAY!" Axel threw his chakrams down the hall.

"OW! AXEL!! YOU SON-OF-A- OW!!" Zexion appeared, rubbing his leg. "YOU THREW A BLOODY CHAKRAM IN MY LEG!!"

"Sorry." Axel pouted.

"Nope. Only Demyx and Roxas can pull of the puppy eyes without looking insane."

"ARGH!!" Axel ran up and down the corridors, only to run straight into…

The Berserker.

"Uh…" Axel paused. "Hi?"

"Grr…"

"Guh…" Axel turned around. "All in favour of running for our non-exsitance?"

"Aye." Everyone chimed, and then ran for it.

"_**RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!"**_

"_**YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"**_

While Saïx was entertaining himself by attacking a random wall that had gotten in his way, the people who started Saïx's rage of DOOM!!™ had reconvened in Roxas' room.

"Okay, Marly!" Demyx gave a massive grin.

"Marluxia."

"Whatever. Truth or Dare?"

"Dare. I'm not chicken."

"No, the incident with Xigbar and the elastic band proved that." Zexion muttered from the corner.

"… You're never going to let me forget that, are you?"

"Nope."

"Ugh, talk about stuck up."

"At least I have good aim."

"OKAY!!" Demyx yelled at the top of his voice, stopping the arguing between Marluxia and Zexion. "Anyone got any ideas for Marly?"

"MARLUXIA!!"

"He should sing, 'I feel pretty'." Roxas grinned from the floor.

"MWA! Bella, beautiful!" Axel yelled in a crappy Italian accent.

"Never do that accent again." Luxord snapped, who had escaped Saïx's escape by 'playing possum' as it is called.

"That's not embarrassing." Demyx frowned.

"Just because you sing it in your sleep."

"I DO NOT!!"

"I have the room next to you, don't lie, Demyx."

"Shut the hell up Axel." Demyx glared at Axel. Axel just stuck his tounge out.

"Mature Axel, real mature." Zexion muttered. "If you want it to be more embarrassing, Marluxia should sing it in front of Larxene."

"YEAH!!" Marluxia held his head in his hands.

"Dear God help me."

"Go find her Marly!"

"Yeah, go find her!"

"Noooooooooooo!"

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!"

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…" Marluxia stormed out of the room. There was a pause.

"Have you got the video camera Zexion?"

"Of course."

"Brilliant! We'll put it on Roxas' YouTube channel!"

Marluxia stormed towards the room next to Roxas.

_Okay, don't panic, don't panic, don't- She's going to kill me._

Marluxia knocked on the door, and it quickly swung open. The Savage Nymph glared at the Graceful Assassin.

"What do you want?"

_Dear sweet Kingdom Hearts, save me._

"I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty, and witty, and gaaaaaaaaay! And I pity, any girl who isn't me today! I feel charming! Oh so-"

_**SLAP!!**_

"PERVERT!!"

_**SLAP!! SLAP!!**_

_**BANG!!**_

Marluxia rubbed his smarting face.

"Ow."

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Marluxia turned to see the other nobodies with a video camera, laughing their heads off.

_Video camera?_

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ZEXION!!"

"HOLY CRAP!!" Zexion legged it down the corridor, with Marluxia in hot purist.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU SON OF A (CENSORED!!)!!"

"A FLOWER POT IN TROULBE!!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!" Marluxia ran towards the 'Flower Pot'.

"Thank God for illusions." Zexion sighed, throwing the camera to Axel. "You look after it. You can run faster than I can."

"Gotcha."

"Hey, there wasn't a flower pot there!" Marluxia yelled, walking back to the group.

"Well noticed."

"Did you realise that before or after you tried to water it?"

"… After." Marluxia admitted, causing sniggering among the group. "Oh shut the (CENSORED!!) up."

"IT'S LUXORDS TURN!!" Everyone winced.

"We know Demyx, but did you have to scream that in our ears?"

"Yes." Everyone scowled at the younger nobody. "What?"

"Oh, forget it!" Everyone sighed.

"'Kay, Luxord, truth or dare?"

"Muh. Dare."

"I dare you to…" The nobodies paused, and glanced around the room.

"Turn Xigbar into a card!" Roxas grinned. There was a silence.

"You just want me to die, don't you?"

"Oh, yes!"

"Stop imitating those Churchill adverts!" Axel snapped, as Demyx started plucking his sitar.

"There's something livin' in the fridge today!"

"Shut up."

"I don't know what it is!"

"Shut up."

"Food I can't recognise."

"Shut up."

"My roommate AXEL won't throw a thing away, I guess it's probably his."

"SHUT THE (CENSORED!!) UP!!" Axel threw a Chakram at Demyx, who leapt into the air, and ran for it.

"THERE'S SOMETHING LIVIN' IN THE FRIDGE!!"

"SHUT UP!!" Axel yelled, throwing another Chakram with gay abandon. "Anyway, let's get going Luxord."

"Ow!"

"Your Chakram hit Demyx."

"Oh well."

"DANCE WATER DANCE!!"

"Oh crap…!"

After Axel had towelled down, the group set off to find Xigbar. Axel was complaining loudly about rain, and water in general.

"I mean, it's WET! Who wants to get wet? I don't. Nuh-uh. No way. I mean, RAIN! What use is rain?"

"Crops?" Demyx did his best to defend his element.

"Well, apart from crops. I mean, it's wet, and it's yucky. IT'S WET DAMMIT!!" Zexion made a mental note of how many times Axel had stated rain was wet in his speech. (So far, it was about 27 times)

It was then they ran into Lexeaus.

"Can't go there." He pointed to the corridor they were about to head down.

"Why not?"

"Well…"

**_"SAÏX!! JUST CALM DOWN!!"_**

**_"I SHALL KILL EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING!!"_**

**_"WHERE THE HELL IS THE KNOCK OUT SPRAY WHEN YOU NEED IT?"_**

**_"OW!! OH MY GOD!! WHO KNEW A C.D. RACK COULD BE USED A WEPON?"_**

**_"AH!! MY HAND!! MY HAND!!"_**

**_"RAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRR!!"_**

**_"AAAAARGGGGGGH!! MY… EVERYTHING!!"_**

**_"USE THE CHLOROFORM!! USE IT!!"_**

**_"HURRY!!"_**

**_"AHHH!! MY SPLEEN!! SO THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!!"_**

**_"SHUT UP VEXEN!!"_**

**_"GAAAAH!!"_**

**_"USE IT USE IT!!"_**

**_"I CAN'T FEEL MY LEG ANYMORE!!"_**

**_"RAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRR!!"_**

**_"GOT IT!!"_**

**_"RRRRRRAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW-_** Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

There was silence at the both ends of the corridor.

"That's why." Lexaeus finished.

"O- Okay." The group was silent for a moment.

"OH MY GOD!! THE CHLOROFORM'S WEARING OFF!!"

**_"RAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRR!!"_**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!"

"Do you think we should run for it?" Roxas asked.

"Um…"

**_"RAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRR!!"_** An irate, still clotheless Saïx appeared around the corner.

"Yes."

"And a one, a two, a one two three, _**RUN!!**_"


	3. Stuck Duck

**This is somthing I saw on a story somwhere else. This story is exactly 800 words. That's freaky. Thank you for the review ****Inferno-Tastic!**

**I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Commit it to memory.**

* * *

"Come on guys!" Donald fidgeted around in the seat of the Gummi ship. "I've been holding it in since the Pride Lands!"

"We're almost at Twilight Town now Donald!" Sora yelled, guiding the Gummi Ship towards the aforementioned town. "You can go while Riku and I are warming up for the struggle tournament."

"Are we nearly there yet?"

"Jeez Donald, we're just about to land!" Sora sighed, as he landed the Gummi Ship. "Relax!"

"Relax! You try to relax! One moment of relaxation means a large cleaning up job for everyone!" Donald snapped, as Goofy rolled his eyes.

"Donald, I'm surprised no-one has said this to you yet, but would you mind shutting up?" Riku asked, glaring at the duck.

"You shut up, you big palooka!"

"NO!"

"WE'RE HERE!!" Sora yelled, and ran out of the Gummi ship.

"Hey Sora!" Hayner grinned, before getting run over by a duck. "THE HELL?!"

"He needs the toilet." Sora explained. "And when he needs to go, he needs to go bad."

"Right. Well, ready to go Sora?"

"Sure! Come on Riku!"

"Are you sure he's not going to get stuck or something?"

"Come ON!!" Sora grabbed Riku by the arm, and dragged him across the Usual Spot. "I want to kick Seifer's ass!"

"That is the first time I have ever heard you swear." Riku looked at his friend in shock.

"Well Seifer really bugs me." Riku frowned, until he saw a blur of dirty blonde hair instead of brunette just for a moment. Then he grinned.

"Fair enough. What do you say to a quick spar before kicking some ass?"

"Sounds good!"

* * *

"DAMMIT!!" Seifer yelled, as Sora grabbed the final orb. "I don't lose."

"But you just did."

"Shut up! Admit you cheated, loser!"

"HOW DID I CHEAT!!" Yelled Sora.

"You can't use quick run!"

"Can too!"

"Can not!"

"Can too! Can too! CAN TOO!!" Sora yelled.

"Bloody hell! Fine, you win!" Seifer stalked off.

"Oh yea! I win! One in the eye for Seifer!!" Sora did a little victory dance. Riku and Kairi just rolled their eyes.

"Donald and Goofy have nearly been gone for two whole hours." Kairi hissed to Riku. "I think you should go check on them."

"Aw, why?"

"Because, if you don't I may kick you somewhere _unpleasant!_" Kairi hissed. Riku shuddered. One thing Kairi didn't do was make empty threats.

"Fine, I'll go check!"

* * *

Riku could hear a lot of yelling.

"Kingdom Hearts help me Goofy!"

"No way Donald! I ain't doing nothing!"

"THAT'S MY POINT!!" Riku's curiosity got the better of him, as it always does, and knocked on the cubicle door, which was locked.

"Are you guys okay in there?" There was a long silence. "I said, are you guys okay in there?" There was a pause, before a muffled quacking. "Pardon?"

"I said lkflakjoiaejfao." Donald muttered.

"What?"

"I _said_ I'M STUCK!!" Riku sighed, and held his head in his hands.

"How stuck?"

"I'M NOT TELLING YOU THAT!!" Riku sighed even louder.

"Goofy, could you open the door?" There was a pause as Goofy fumbled with the lock.

"Gawsh Riku, the lock's stuck." Riku took a moment to bang his head on the door.

"Okay, I'll get you guys out." Riku glanced around the toilets for an idea. He ran into the next cubicle, slammed the seat down and stood on it. He shoved his head over the parameter.

"Oh." Riku stared at the duck, who was definitely stuck. The aforementioned duck glared at Riku.

"Don't just stand there! Help me you big palooka!!"

"Okay, okay!" Riku climbed over the wall and landed on the floor, and slipped on a piece of damp toilet paper, landing on his backside. "Yuck." Riku summoned Way to Dawn.

"What's that for?" Goofy asked, glancing at keyblade.

"He's stuck. We need something to unstick him with. Work it out." Riku sighed. "Keybladers reduced to rescuing ducks from toilets. Now seems an appropriate time to wonder how much lower my life can get." Riku shoved the keyblade into the toilet, and wriggled it.

"OUCH!! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE PUTTING THAT YOU BIG PALOOKA!!"

"Sorry Donald, I don't have a lot of experience of saving ducks from toilets!" Riku pushed the keyblade a little bit harder. "Okay, now stay still." With an almighty shove, Donald was flung out of the toilet, and landed right on top of Goofy.

"OW!" "OW!"

Riku slammed his head into his hands for the second time in the past ten minutes.

"Okay, now let's get out of here."

"Uh, Riku?" Goofy felt he had to point something out.

"What?"

"The doors still shut." There was a long silence.

"Oh crap."


	4. Sora's Prank

**Wow. I haven't written a funny Sora story... Ever. I think. So here's my first one! Thanks for all the reviews, please review this one too!**

Sora was bored.

As Riku, Kairi, Donald, Goofy, Tidus, Selphie, Wakka, and many other people will tell you, when Sora gets bored, you should be careful.

Very careful.

Really, _Reeeeeaaallly_, **EXTREMLY**, careful!

But I digress.

Sora picked up one of Merlin's books, looked at it, and then threw it back on the pile, accidentally knocking the whole pile over.

See what I mean?

Now, Sora decided to that the only way out of this rut that he was in, was to prank someone. Should he go tickle Tron? Nah, he'd done that before.

"Sora!" Yuffie ran into the room, knocking over more of the delicately balanced books. "You'll never guess what!"

"Giant chocolate moogles are invading Radiant Garden?"

"Almost as good! Cloud's come back!" And with a massive smile, she ran out of the door. Sora smiled. He knew exactly who to prank… But first, to do some research!

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Sora smiled, and closed the web-site he had been looking at.

"Thanks Tron!"

"No problem! But why were you looking up Kingdom Hearts Ultimania?"

"Oh, you'll find out soon enough…" Sora grinned, and ran out of the research lab.

"Okay… Right now, I am as scared as a computer program can be." Tron announced to the room.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Cloud stood in the marketplace, thinking about how he had defeated Sephiroth. He couldn't believe it had involved a Moogle and 2 Chobocos.

"_Estuans interius__  
__ira vehementi."_

"… The hell?" Cloud looked around. It couldn't be…

_  
"__Estuans interius__  
__ira vehementi"_

"No, no, no."

_"__Sephiroth! Do do do doooooooo!__  
__Sephiroth! Da na na naaaaaa!!"_

"YAH!!" Cloud leapt a few feet in the air. He then pulled out his sword, and started swinging it around.

_"__Estuans interius__  
__ira vehementi__  
__Estuans interius__  
__ira vehementi"_

"Evil bastard… Die die die!!"

_"__Sephiroth!!__  
__Sephiroth!!"_

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Cloud ran off, screaming battle cries at the top of his voice.

"Is Cloud feeling okay?" Leon asked, coming over, looking at the young keyblader, who seemed to be singing into a megaphone.

"No. Leon, would you dye your hair silver?" Sora asked.

"Why would I want to dye my hair silver?"

"If I told you it was to prank Cloud, would you do it?"

"Hell, yes!"

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Cloud continued running around in random circles, and nearly decapitated Yuffie, Donald and some random kid.

"Hey, watch where you're going you big palooka!" Yelled Donald, as he nearly got decapitated by Cloud again.

"THE EVIL MAN WITH THE BIG SWORD IS TAKING OVER MY MIND AGAIN!!" Aerith watched Cloud run around the place and scowled.

"This is not good."

"MWA HA HA!!" A silver haired man leapt out. "It is I! Sephiroth!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!! EVIL MAN WITH THE BIG LONG SWORD!!" Cloud fainted. The 'Silver haired' man had a laughing fit, until he saw Aerith, scowling at him. His eyes went very wide.

"… Oh shit." Aerith stormed over to him, and slapped him across the face. "OUCH!! AERITH!!"

"DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT TO CLOUD AGAIN!! OKAY??"

"IT WAS SORA'S IDEA!!"

"_**SOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAA!!"**_ Screamed Aerith. Sora's head popped out.

"Yes-um?"

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING TO CLOUD!!" Sora spun to face Leon.

"YOU GRASS!!" Sora charged at Leon, and head-butted him, sending him backwards into Yuffie.

"PERVERT!!" Screamed the hyperactive ninja, and started to attack Leon, who was subsequently trying to attack Sora. Oh yeah, Cloud had woken up and was still going insane in the background.

It was that particular moment Sephiroth arrived in Radiant Garden. Glancing around the stadium of insanity that was the marketplace, until Sora went a bit over dramatic with Firagra.

"I can see you have… _issues_ here at the moment," He stated, over the battle cries. "So I'll come back later."

* * *

**Just to explain, Kingdom Hearts Ultimania has the lyrics to 'One Winged Angel' so that's why Sora was looking it up.**

**Peace out.**


	5. Moon Worshiping

**Again, thank you for the reviews!**

**The Orginization is so much easier to write than Sora. **

* * *

Xemnas loved his moon.

You may have noticed this, since Xemnas spends most of his time in Kingdom Hearts II either worshiping the moon, bossing around the organization, or being a crap fighter.

Xemnas sneezed loudly.

"Bloody narrator." He scowled, before returning to worshiping the moon.

"Ah, my beautiful moon. I will do whatever it takes to…" The narrator will not carry on with Xemnas' speech that goes nowhere. Saïx appeared out of nowhere.

"Xemn-"Saïx dodged the flying aerial blade.

"DO NOT INTERRUPT ME WHEN I AM MOON WORSHIPING!!" Xemnas screamed, before calmly turning around to face the moon.

"But-"

"NO BUTS!!" He screamed again. "NO BUTTS OR ARSES OR ASSES OF ANYKIND!!"

Saïx raised a blue eyebrow and sighed. When Xemnas went into Kingdom Hearts Moon worshipping mode™ he often went a little nutty.

Make that a lot nutty.

"…" Saïx gave up trying to persuade the elder nobody to listen, but gave up and went to portal away.

"Number VII."

"Yes?"

"The moon is wonderful, is it not?"

"Um… Yes."

"So the whole of the Organization should worship, should they not?"

"… I suppose so." Saïx was an intelligent nobody, and he saw in his mind this equation:

Organization + Moon Worshiping - BAD IDEA!!

However, he also saw:

Me + Objecting to Xemnas - _**WORSE IDEA!!**_

"Then get them here to worship the moon, now!"

"Yes superior." Saïx decided to make a quick stop, and grab some body armour at the same time.

* * *

Well, as Saïx thought, the organization was not pleased with being dragged away to worship the moon.

"Now then." Xemnas yelled over the complaining nobodies. "We shall worship the moon!"

"WHAT?!"

"Are you mad?"

"This is madness!"

"_**THIS IS SPARTA!!"**_

"Shut up Axel."

"I am not worshipping the moon, and that is it!"

"For once I agree."

"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!!" Xemnas bellowed. "MOON!! WORSHIP!! NOW!!" After a rather large amount of grumbling, the Organization began to moon worship.

For those who are not very well informed on the subject of moon worshiping, these are the steps:

Stare at the moon.

Occasionally say a rather long, rambling monologue about the moon.

Uh…

That's it.

So you can see how this 'Worship' bored most of the Organization.

_V Minutes into the moon worshipping:_

Zexion wrinkled his nose up.

"Marluxia, you reek of potpourri."

"Thank you!"

"It wasn't a compliment."

"SILENCE!!"

_XV Minutes into Moon Worshipping:_

"God I'm bored." Luxord muttered. Deciding to do something about it, he threw the Fanta can he'd been drinking from at Demyx.

"OW!!" Screamed Demyx. "MY MULLHAWK!!"

"NUMBER IX!!" Bellowed Xemnas. "WORSHIP THE MOON NOW!!"

"But…"

"Now!" Demyx scowled at the elder nobody before going back to staring at the moon, as Fanta trickled down the back of his neck.

"Sticky."

"NUMBER IX!!"

_XXIV Minutes into Moon Worshipping:_

Roxas was just as bored as everyone else. However, he had something no-one else in the Organization had. Yet.

He had a mobile phone, which he always kept on him.

Roxas silently texted Naminé, explaining his plan.

_XXX- Oh, forget it! Half an Hour into Moon Worshipping:_

Lexaeus was asleep standing up and snuffling.

Both Zexion and Vexen knew what would happen next, being cursed with having rooms either side of him. Vexen silently counted down in his head.

_5… 4… 3… 2… 1…_

"COOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUU!! Ferrrrrrrru!" Lexaeus started snoring away, causing most of the Organization to jump a few feet in the air. Xemnas however was outraged.

"NUMBER V!! HOW DARE YOU DISTURB MOON WORSHIPPING WITH YOUR SNORING!! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!!"

Lexaeus remained asleep. Everyone just looked at each other. Xemnas paused.

"I SAID STOP IT!!" Another pause. "RIGHT!!" Xemnas then slapped Lexaeus around the face (Why he did this when he could have gone Jedi Knight on his butt, I will never know) causing the Silent (Yeah! Right!) Hero to wake up.

"What did I miss?" He muttered.

"Lots of staring at the moon." Scowled Larxene. "This is ridiculous!"

"It is not Number XII. For you see, we must all yearn for Kingdom Hearts…"

"Nice one Larxene, you got him started."

_40 minutes into Moon Worshipping:_

A dark portal appeared behind the Organization, and Naminé elegantly stepped out of it. This got a few raised eyebrows from most of the Organization.

"Come on! This way!" Naminé hissed, beckoning to them. Roxas ran over.

"Did you get the-"

"Of course!" The female nobody sighed. "You should have more faith Roxas." She turned back to the Organization. "Are you going to sit out the whole monologue or not?"

"When you put it like that…" The nobodies slipped into the dark portal, as Naminé slipped up to Xemnas, and placed the object next to him. Hiding a giggle, she ran into the portal.

_5 hours later…_

"…And that is why we must achieve Kingdom Hearts." Xemnas summarised, turning around. "Now do you understand number XII-"He glanced at the empty Alter of the Naught.

Glancing to his left, he saw a stuffed toy penguin, looking very ready to conquer the worlds. Xemnas let out a long suffering sigh.

"I hate this Organization."


	6. How Braig lost his eye

**Thank to all who reviewed, and all who didn't review, but didn't get some giggles out of my insanity!**

**It's been a while since I updated somthing, and I wanted to write somthing about the original apprentices, and I thought how Braig (Xigbar) lost his eye might be funny.**

**Enjoy my randomness!**

Even raised his head from his notes, and shot a look across the room at Braig.

The man was petting a heartless.

Yes. _Petting._ Stroking it and saying things like "Who a cutie heartless?"

It was quite sickening. The temptation to vomit was nearly unbearable.

10 seconds later, Ienzo entered the laboratory. He gave a nod of recognition to Even, and turned to face Braig.

He twitched.

"Braig." Ienzo said in a quiet voice. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm petting a heartless!" Braig rolled his eyes. "What do you think I'm doing?"

"Why are you doing that?!" Hissed the younger apprentice. "Don't you remember what happened last week?"

_Flashback!_

Dilan prepared the experiment.

"Okay, get the heartless out of the cage." Ienzo sighed, flipped his hair out of his eyes, and put his hand into the cage.

**NASH!!**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

_End of Flashback!_

"You just didn't hold it properly!" Braig protested. "It was bound to attempt to get free."

"I have a massive scar on my arm from where it blimmin' bit me! Look!" Ienzo pulled up his sleeve and waved it around. Braig snorted.

"And how do we know you didn't have it before?"

"Because I didn't have a bloody massive scar on my arm before!" Ienzo screeched.

"You two, be quiet." Muttered Even. "Please do not argue over something so trivial as a _heartless_." He tutted. "Act like adults. Both of you."

"Yeah Ienzo! Act your age!" Braig grinned, causing Ienzo to twitch irritably.

"I am sixteen. You, on the other hand, are-"

"Let's move on!" Snapped Braig, who was incredibly sensitive about his age. Dilan walked in and stared.

"Why do we still have that heartless bastard?"

"Who, Even?" Braig frowned. "I'd be cruel to chuck him out, wouldn't it."

"No, not him." The other apprentice sighed. "I mean that heartless."

"Braig has decided to keep it as a pet." Murmured Ienzo, glaring at the aforementioned heartless.

"Someone tell me he's taking the mick?"

"Mike… That would be a good name for him!" Braig yelped, pointing at the heartless.

"We are not naming the heartless Mike." Even called from the other side of the room.

"You're right… Steve would suit him better." Dilan, who had been drinking coffee, spat it out all over Ienzo.

"OH YOU IDIOT!!" Yelled Ienzo, ready to kill Dilan.

"Braig, do not name the heartless Steve! I forbid it!" Even yelled.

"Too late."

"Who's a good Steve? Yes you are! You're a good Steve!" Braig told the heartless.

"If he starts baby talking to it, I reserve the right to punch him in the face." Dilan snarled. Braig just smiled, and reached into the cage.

"3… 2… 1…"

**_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! MY FACE!! HOLY COW!! MY FAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEE!!"_**

_Sometime later…_

Ienzo scowled at the man in front of him.

"EVEN!! SHOULDN'T YOU BE DOING THIS!!"

"Sorry, I can't hear you Ienzo!" Scowling harder, Ienzo grabbed an eye-patch and shoved it over Braig's head.

_Earlier…_

Xehanort, Aeleus and Ansem the Wise were walking along the corridors when they heard a scream.

**_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! MY FACE!! HOLY COW!! MY FAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEE!!"_**

"What on earth?" The three exclaimed.

**_"GET IT OFF!! GET IT OFF!!"_**

"Say please."

**_"GET IT OFF BEFORE I SHOOT YOU!!"_**

"That also works."

"This will make a fascinating experiment!"

"Shut up Even, you'll only make him worse."

**_"GET IT OFF ME NOW!!"_**

"…"

**_"WHAT!! HURRY UP, IT'S GOUGING OUT MY EYE!!"_**

"… How the hell do you remove a heartless from someone's face?"

"… Uh… **_ANSEM!!"_** At Dilan's scream, Ansem, Xehanort and Aeleus walked into the lab.

"What on earth…" Braig was running around the lab, his voice now hoarse from screaming. Ienzo stood there, frowning at the older apprentice, trying to work out a way of removing the heartless, as was Dilan. And Even was taking notes.

"Do I want to know what happened?"

"Braig was being an idiot. Again." Ienzo stated, as Braig glared at him with his visible eye. "What? It's true."

"I was not being an idiot!"

"You were petting a bloody heartless!" Ienzo yelled. "That counts as being an idiot. Particularly one that has a taste for human flesh!"

"How was I supposed to know that?"

"… Can I kill him?" Ienzo begged, earning a shake of the head from Ansem.

"Guys? It's digging in."

"So?"

"MY GOD GET IT OFF ME!!" Braig screamed. Aeleus smiled to himself. His time to shine.

**WRENCH!!**

"His eye wasn't supposed to come out, was it?"

_Back with Ienzo and Braig…_

Ienzo watched the older man with one visable eye.

"So, what have you learnt?"

"To listen to you more often." Braig muttered darkly from behind his eyepatch.

"And?"

"Not to pet heartless."

"Or?"

"Baby talk to them."

"Because?"

"It makes them pissy." Braig grumbled, as he was also pissy.

"Good boy." Ienzo imitated Braig's accent with a smirk on his face. "Learn those rules and you'll go far in life." As Ienzo went to leave, he turned and stared. "Why the hell don't you have your trousers on?"

"… Dunno really." Ienzo rolled his eyes.

"Pull them up. Now." He paused again. "You wear rabbit boxers?"

**_"IENZO!!"_**

"Leaving."

**Slam.**

* * *

**Please review! **

**Peace out dudes!**


	7. I have a what?

**Thank ye all for the reviews! But this story comes with a warning...**

**I'm ill. When I'm ill, I get even more insane than usual. Also, this was written in less than an hour, the fastest I've ever written a story.**

Sora was sitting on the desk of Ansem's study, frowning down at the electronic device in his hands. You know this device well, I presume. Cloud Strife has one.

It is called a mobile phone.

It was small and blue, the same colour as his eyes. Kairi had given it to him as a birthday gift.

Now all he had to do was work out how to use it.

"Um… Roxas?" He asked his nobody, who had used a mobile phone when he was in the organization.

_I'm trying to sleep here._

"Whatever. The green button turns it on, right?"

_No._

"Huh?"

_The red button turns it on._

"… Doesn't red mean stop?"

_No, it turns it on. The green button is for making calls._

"Oh, right. Thanks." Sora paused as he heard the slight snoring as Roxas fell asleep. "'Kay…red button." Sora pressed it. Nothing happened.

"ROXAS!!"

_Whaaaaaaat?!_

"It won't turn on."

_Hold it down._

"What?"

_HOLD. THE. RED. BUTTON. DOWN._

"Oh, thanks." Sora did as his nobody said, and 'Motorola' appeared on his screen. "YAY! IT WORKED!"

_Keep the bloody noise down._

"Bloody?"

_Damm… I knew I shouldn't have hung out with Luxord that long…_

"…Okay then." Sora turned back to the phone. "Right… make a call. How do I do that? Maybe if I press a button." Sora paused, before pressing one of the several buttons.

**Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.**

"Huh?!"

**Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.**

Sora's phone cheerfully vibrated in his hand, moving around a little, leaving a confused Sora.

"Tickles." He noted after a moment. "Is it supposed to do that?"

_No._

"How do I fix it."

_Read the manual._

"What? No!"

_Why?_

"Because we are men!"

_We make fire! Cook meat!_

"That's the spirit!"

_Then put out fire by peeing, no get invited back!_

"Shut up." Sora rolled his eyes. "Look, I saved the worlds from the heartless, I don't need to use a manual to work a piece of metal."

_Sora, you once managed to get yourself arrested by a computer. Please do not make out you can handle technology, because you can't._

"One, that was Donald and Stitch's fault. And two, I don't want Kairi to know I can't use this."

_Because then you might not be a macho macho man!_

"Seriously, SHUT UP!!" Sora cursed his nobody, and stared at the still vibrating phone.

"Hey Sora." Riku called, walking into the mess that was Ansem's study. "What's up?"

"My phone won't stop vibrating."

"Oh!" Riku nodded. "You mean you have an erotic phone?"

Utter silence followed that phrase.

"… I have a what?"

"An erotic phone." Riku said as if he was speaking to an idiot.

"… You have a filthy mind." Sora concluded.

"Hanging around with you made it filthy." Riku grinned.

"Hey!" Sora summoned Ultima weapon, as Riku's eyes widened.

"And, here I am again, running for my life!"

_Hey Naminé…_

_**What is it Roxas?**_

_That phone Kairi got for Sora… It's an erotic phone._

**The whole 'erotic phone' part was an actual conversation with a friend and I had.**

**I was Riku, he was Sora.**

**Another note, 'We make fire! Cook meat! Then put out fire by peeing, no get invited back!' thing was from an episode of Friends, 'The one where Rachel finds out'. Roxas seems like someone who would watch Friends.**

**Review and peace out, me hearties!**

* * *

* * *


	8. Why Labs and Pyros do not mix

**Thank ye for the reviews!**

**I don't know what inspired this, apart from memories of school lessons where the teacher just goes on and on. And you don't listen...**

Axel was damn near suicidal.

Punishments in the Organization came in all varieties. However, the punishment Axel had got was considered by everyone to be worse one.

Helping Vexen in the lab.

He hadn't done anything that wrong. Morally anyway. All he had done was start a Mexican wave during the meeting. And set Larxenes' hair on fire. And steal Xigbar's guns. And shove Marluxia into the pool.

Okay, so he hadn't been nobody of the week.

But nothing that existed deserved to be punished by this. Roxas had gotten off easily by being on a mission with Xaldin.

"Are you paying attention Eight?" Axel snapped his head up and meet Vexen's icy gaze.

"Uh…"

"I shall take that as a no. So I shall explain again."

"Oh Christ." Muttered Axel under his breath, as Vexen went onto a long description of the experiment that he would be conducting with Axel's help. Axel slipped out his mobile phone, black with the Organization's symbol on the back, and texted Roxas.

_How u doin?_

There was a pause, before Axel received a text back.

_R u hitting on me?_

_U have filthy mind. Seriously, how u doin'?_

_Xaldin has fallen asleep._

_Lucky, Vexen is still going._

_Poor U._

"… Do you understand Number Eight?" Vexen asked. Axel bit his lip as he shoved his mobile into his pocket.

_Axel's first law of Punishments: Always pretend you know what you're doing._

"Oh yep. Totally understanding!" Axel nodded. "110!"

"There is no such thing as 110" Vexen said, deadly serious.

_Shesh… How do Zexion and Lexaeus put up with him?_

"I'm aware of that… So… Are we set?" Vexen gave Axel a long look.

"Please prepare the aforementioned chemicals, along with a suitable acid for the experiment." And with that, Vexen left.

… _Does he come with a translator machine?_

Axel pulled out his phone, and dialled a number.

**Bring! Bring! Bring!**

"This is Zexion." Zexion muttered, as he answered the phone.

"Zexy! You have to help me!"

"Don't call me Zexy. Are you having fun down there?"

"No!"

"Well, glad it's you not having fun."

"Are you going to help me or what?"

"What do you need help with?"

"Where is Vexen's translator machine?"

"… … Are you drunk again?"

"He said all this crap!"

"What crap?"

"Um… 'Prepare the aforementioned chemicals, along with a suitable acid for the experiment'"

"Your memory skills never fail to amaze me."

"Well?" Axel was getting annoyed, as he hissed down the phone. "What do I do?"

"Okay, what are the chemicals?"

"…"

"Axel?"

"Uh…"

"You weren't paying attention, were you?"

"Not as such." Axel admitted. There was an exasperated sigh, and Axel got the impression that Zexion was plunging his head into his free hand. "Well? Help me out here!"

"Axel you idiot! I can't help you unless I know the chemicals!" Zexion yelled.

"Well, he must have it written down somewhere!" Axel yelled, and started a mad scramble around the lab.

"He never writes stuff down, he memorizes it all."

"HE MEMORIZED ALL THAT!?" Axel bellowed. "It went on for over an hour!"

"Listen to you, Mr 'Got it Memorized?'" Zexion muttered sarcastically.

"Are you laughing at me?"

"Possibly."

"Listen, you have to help me!"

"Look, Axel, I'm not physic!"

"Really?" Axel paused in his frantic search. "That's what we thought your element was!"

"Whose we?"

"Roxas and me."

"You watch too much Pokémon. Look, when Vexen comes back, tell him you weren't listening, and listen when he explains it!"

"I can't do that!" Axel yelled indignantly into the phone. Zexion gave another sharp sigh.

"Why not?"

"Because! Because we are men! We are proud! We take no help from anyone! At all!"

"You were just asking me for help-"

"SILENCE!! We are proud! Do we look at the instruction manuals? When did you last stop for directions?"

"I don't drive-"

"For we are men! We make fire! We stand proud, and we shall never give in! EVER!!"

Silence.

"Get mental help."

**Click.**

**Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.**

"Thank for that!" Axel decided to get help from a different person- er, nobody.

"It's Roxas!"

"Hey Roxas!"

"Hi Axel! What's up?"

"Listen, I didn't listen to Vexen's boring instructions so now I don't know what to do!"

"Um, uh, use your intuitive!"

"Got it!" Axel paused. "What do I do if I don't have any?"

"Um… Make it up!"

"Gotcha!" Axel grabbed a bottle of acid from the cupboard. "Right… It says 'Sulphuric acid'."

"Right! Use that! And then… Improvise!"

"What?"

"Make it up!"

"Awesome!" Axel grabbed a few more random bottles out of the cupboards. "Thanks Roxas! You're way more helpful than Zexy."

"You called Zexy for help before me?" Roxas asked in that slightly hurt voice he has.

"Um… I didn't want you to get in troble with Xaldin."

"Oh! Nah, that's okay. He's still aslee- Holy crap, he's waking up!"

**Click!**

**Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.**

So Axel grabbed all of the random chemicals, and threw them into a beaker, because he is awesome like that.

You can guess what happens next, can't you?

Vexen walked into the room, and stared as Axel added the final chemical.

"NO AXEL-!!"

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!**_

The following scene has been decided to graphic for this audience. So, we'll have a hyper Sora talking about random stuff instead.

"I went to the store with Riku and we brought chocolate, lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of chocolate, and I brought Kairi an apple 'cause she's watching her weight, and I ate all the chocolate so now I'm hyper and Riku's angry at me eating the chocolate and Kairi for letting me eat the chocolate-"

Scene's over!

Vexen and Axel ran from the fireball that was coming from the lab, screaming curses in every language known to man, as the fireball made of chemicals caught up with them. Xemnas appeared, and prepared his aeroblades to cut off Axel's head and then beat him senseless-

Oh, sorry, not over quite yet!

"- So Kairi says that she won't share a papou fruit with me because there are too many calories in it, and Riku said that she was becoming looks obsessed, then Kairi slapped him, and Riku says she must be very very very stressed, and the he yelled at her, and they had an argument all because I ate too much chocolate!"

Nice story Sora.

"Thank you."

We may now return to the main story:

Axel looked at the floor of Xemnas's office, and wondered how many more times he would be yelled at by him and Vexen.

"-And because of this incident, "Vexen droned. "And your constant lack of respect, you are banned from helping me in the lab, for the rest of your existence, or forever. Whichever comes sooner."

"Oh, okay." Axel nodded, putting on what he hoped was a sorry expression.

He slipped out of the door, and made sure he was well out of hearing range.

"_**YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!"**_

* * *


	9. Give me the muffin, and noone gets hurt

**Hola my petite chummies.**

**I'm back to school in less than a week, starting my GCSE course. Gulp.**

**So, here is my latest bundle of maddness. All reviews are appreciated. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Give it here."

"No."

"Give it here."

"No."

"Give me the muffin."

"No."

"Strife." The brunette gunblade fighter held out his hand. "Give. Me. The. Muffin."

There was a long pause.

"No."

"Strife. You are allergic to muffins. Last time you had a muffin, you threw up everywhere."

"It was worth it."

"Strife." The brunette cursed inside his head. "You threw up on me. Then I beat you up. Was it worth it?"

"Yes."

"STRIFE!" Leon had lost his patience, and glared at the blonde. "Give. Me. The. Damm. Muffin."

"YOU JUST WANT TO STEAL ITS MUFFINEY GOODNESS!!" Cloud shrieked, clinging to the muffin and curling up into a ball. Leon rubbed his temples hard, while cursing inside his head.

Why? Why, why, why, did Cloud HAVE to go muffin mad the one day the only two people that had any chance of calming him down – namely Aerith (With calm, soothing words) and Tifa (By kicking him hard in THAT place) – were out of town? Why? Leon had a crappy life at points.

"Cloud." Leon tried to think of something, that wasn't _STUPID MAKO!!_ "How about a trade?" Cloud seemed to be listening.

"What trade?"

"Um… In exchange for the muffin, I will give you… Um…" Leon looked around the room madly. "THIS button!" A beat.

"No."

"GIVE ME THE MUFFIN!!"

**_"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!"_** Leon stared, surprised both that Cloud could scream, and that he actually said 'Nuuuu!'.

"Just… Give me the muffin."

**_"Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?"_** Cloud whined, thoroughly creeping Leon out.

"Because… I said so." Leon muttered, trying to get his train of thought to focus on the situation, and not how creepy Cloud was acting.

_**"Leooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon?"**_

"Yes?"

"You don't half talk a lot of crap." Cloud giggled, causing both of Leon's eyebrows to shoot high above his hairline, and his train of thought to de-rail, and hit a tree.

"You have a very girlish voice when you're hyper."

"I am not hyper!" Cloud screeched.

"Then what are you?"

"… Sugar high."

"That's the same thing." Leon sighed, wondering when anyone would be back.

**_"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! 'TISN'T!!"_** Cloud screamed.

"Okay, you are very very creepy." Leon sighed. "And I really want you to die horribly."

"The muffin." Cloud said bluntly, holding up in the air.

"What about it?"

**_"WORSHIP THE MUFFIN SQUALL!!"_**

"IT'S LEON!!" Leon yelled, cursing Yuffie in his head. It was probably her who gave Cloud the muffin. Damn that Ninja. Damn her.

_**"TEEEEEEEEH MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIINNNNNNN!!"**_ Cloud squealed, giggling like a little girl, and the foundations of Merlin's house seemed to shake.

"Give me the muffin."

"Nuuuuuuu."

"Give it."

"Nuuuuuu."

"GIVE ME THE MUFFIN OR I WILL SHOOT YOU!!" Leon screamed. Seconds later the door opened and Aerith and Sora entered.

"LEON'S GOING TO KILL ME!!" Cloud screamed, before attempting to leap out of the window.

However, the window was not open.

**THUNK!!**

_Squuuuuuue._

Aerith, Sora and Leon flinched at the sound of Cloud's cranium coming into contact with the window.

_"Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…"_ Cloud muttered weakly, as Leon tip-toed across the room. He bent down next to the crumpled up blonde, and leant forward to take the muffin. "NU!!" Cloud screamed, before biting Leon's hand.

**"OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!"** Leon leapt up, grabbed his hand, and cursed loudly. Aerith put her hands over Sora's ears. "Please tell me you don't have rabies."

"I have the muffin."

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE MUFFIN!!"

"HERETIC!!" Cloud yelled, as Aerith rolled her eyes, grabbed Sora's arm, and yanked him out of the house on he search for Tifa.

"JUST GIVE ME THE MUFFIN YOU STUPID BOY!!"

"I AM NOT A BOY!!"

"GIVE ME THE MUFFIN!!"

"NUUUUUUUUUU!!"

"YES!"

"NUUUUUUU!!"

"YES!"

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!" At which point Tifa walked into the room, followed by Aerith, who had left Sora at the marketplace.

**_"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!!"_** Tifa and Aerith yelled at the same time, causing significant hearing damage to both men.

"He wants to kill me." Cloud said after a long silence.

"Because of you and your stupid muffin."

"THE MUFFIN ISN'T STUPID!!" As the two men started yelling at each other again, Tifa and Aerith just looked at each other.

"I dealt with him last time." Aerith said, before leaving the house. Tifa sighed and marched over to the two men.

In the marketplace, Sora, Donald and Goofy sat waiting for Aerith, when-

"AAAAAAAAAAH!! ACK…!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!! TIFA, WHY DID YOU KICK ME?!"

"BECAUSE YOU ANNOY ME SQUALL!!"

"IT'S (Censored) LEON!!" The trio exchanged glances, as Aerith walked over to them.

"Sorry about that." Aerith grimaced. "Cloud just went a bit-" She was cut off as Tifa went sprinting past her, followed by Leon, who was waving his gunblade in the air and cursing like 20 sailors. And Cloud stood next to the item's shop, merrily eating the muffin that would cause the greatest and most violent fight ever in the history of Radiant Garden.

Tifa won.


	10. Yuffie, Cards, and holes in the walls

**To be honest, this isn't my best work. But it was funny to write, and I like the ending!**

**DISCLAIMER: It's prescence speaks for itself.**

**To all those in the UK - Espically London - Happy Snow Days!**

* * *

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Sora fell to his knees. "IT'S THE END OF THE WORLDS!!!!"

"Sora, chill! You just lost, that's all." Yuffie grinned, holding an ace in one hand.

"You must have cheated."

"I did not!" Yuffie shook her head, horrified by this suggestion. "Anyway, forget that! I won! So, your forfeit…"

"Nothing to do with the pixies, please." Sora muttered, silently cursing the stupid four of hearts he had in his hand.

"A-HA!" Yuffie yelled, causing Sora to leapt a few inches into the air. "Here it is: You have to hug Cloud."

"WHA?" Sora's eyes widened. Cloud was the most unhuggable person in the world.

Yuffie had tried hugging him once.

Leon was still trying to fix the hole in the wall that Cloud threw her through.

"We agreed, nothing that causes death-"

"I'm not dead!"

"Or serious bodily harm."

"Sora," Yuffie smiled and patted Sora's arm. "Being thrown through a wall is not actually as painful as it sounds."

"But he still wants to kill me because of the whole Leon pretending to be Sephiroth thing…"

"He can't still be angry about that, can he?"

"…" Sora gave Yuffie a long look. "I thought you knew Cloud better than I did."

"Look, Cloud won't throw you through a wall… Probably."

"Wow Yuffie. That was reassuring." Yuffie raised an eyebrow.

"Never heard you be sarcastic before."

"I don't like it." Sora whimpered. Yuffie just snickered.

"These were your rules Sora. So. Mission: Hug Cloud."

"And get murdered in the process."

* * *

Leon ran into the keyblade master.

Now Leon had seen Sora in some strange clothes before, but…

"Sora?" Leon paused, trying to find the right question. "Why are you wearing a hockey mask?" Sora grinned from inside the hockey mask.

"It's good isn't it?" Sora did a little twirl, making one of Leon's eyebrows shoot up past his hairline. "Yuffie found it for me."

"Again, why?"

"Because I don't want my head to get damaged when Cloud throws me through a wall." Sora shrugged. "After all, brain damage is very bad."

"……………………... Why is Cloud going to throw you through a wall?" Leon said, after his brain had properly processed this information.

"Because I'm going to hug him." Leon's other eyebrow shot up past his hairline.

"I didn't think you were the suicidal sort Sora."

"I lost a bet to Yuffie." Sora shrugged. "So I have to do a forfeit."

"… Right." Leon said. "Just… Try not to make as big a hole as Yuffie did."

* * *

Cloud leant against the wall in the marketplace, eyes shut trying to think.

About what? We do not know. Nor do we really care. Well, I know I don't.

"Cloud!" Cloud opened one eye, and gazed at the Keyblader. Complete with hockey mask. "How are you?"

"……" Cloud shut his eye, and wondered if by indeed wishing Sora away, he would vanish, suddenly out of his life.

"That's nice!" Sora took Cloud's silence as a silence of wellbeing, instead of a silence of loathing.

"…………What do you want?" Cloud said after a beat.

"Yuffie and I were playing cards!" Sora said. Cloud remained silent. "I lost."

"…………… What a pity." Cloud said again, wishing Sora away with all his might.

"So I had to do a forfeit."

"…………………………" Cloud remained silent.

"…. Yeah… HUGGING!!!!!" And with that, Sora pulled Cloud into a hug.

Cloud's face can only be described with three letters.

WTF?

Slightly terrified, Cloud reassured himself that Sora was mentally unstable, and this must be why he was hugging him.

… He hoped.

Wait a second.

Yuffie… Cards… Forfeits… Holy crap, this was heartless watch all over again.

"The forfeit of the card game," Cloud tried to remain dignified, despite the fact that he had a teenage boy latched to his self. "Was it to hug me?"

"…Eep."

"Tell me, or I'll throw you through that wall." Cloud pointed at a nearby wall.

"IT WAS ALL HER IDEA!!!!" Sora begged, for he had a phobia of being thrown through walls. Don't we all? Cloud grabbed Sora's arm and unclamped them from around his waist.

"Go hug Leon."

"Hmm…" Sora was silent. "That's an idea!" And with that, he ran off. Cloud stared after him.

"Yuffie, get out of the bush."

"Aw..." Yuffie leapt out from behind the bush, holding a video camera. "You are no fun at all."

"Yuffie, stop making people hug me. It's annoying." Cloud said sharply. Yuffie crossed her arms and considered this.

"I will stop, IF you give me a hug!" Yuffie grinned. Cloud shut his eyes and sighed. After a moment of consideration, he spread his arms.

Anything for a simple life.

"YAY!" Yuffie charged into Cloud and gave him a massive hug. Cloud struggled to breathe. Leon headed into the market place, and stopped at that precise moment.

"............................................................................................................................................................................................................." Said Leon.

"............................................................................................................................................................................................................." Said Cloud.

"........................................................ I'm going to leave you in peace." Leon said, before turning on his heels and marching out. Cloud made a noise similar to an angry snake.

Yuffie let go and smiled.

"Byyyyyyyee Cloud!" She grinned and ran off. Cloud sighed and leant back against the wall.

He frowned suddenly, and opened his eyes.

He checked his pockets.

"_**YUFFIE!!!! BRING BACK MY MATERIA NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**_


	11. Yuffie and Stitch

**While looking through my old files on the computer, I found this, completely finished and yet I never put it up.**

**Oh well, here it is!**

* * *

"This is boring!" Yuffie yelled. Silence met her statement. "I_** SAID**_, this is boring!"

"I heard you the first time Yuffie." Leon muttered, checking the plans to rebuild the bailey.

"And you didn't reply because…?"

"What was the point?"

"I can't believe society expects me to find one of you people!" Yuffie threw her hands in the air. "You know what would liven this place up?"

"I get the feeling you are about to tell me."

"A pet!" Leon's head shot up.

"Are you nuts?"

"According to you, yes. But why not!? A pet, that would be awesome!"

"Yuffie, read my lips: _NO_." Leon shook his head for emphasis. "No. Way."

"Just 'cause you had that bad experience with the dog biting your arse once." Yuffie shrugged. "Doesn't have to be a dog! It could be… A cat! Yeah, brilliant! Stealthy, sneaky-"

"Cid's allergic. As is Cloud."

"Well Cloud's not here!"

"Yuffie!"

"Soz." Yuffie scratched her chin. "A parrot!"

"No."

"Goldfish?"

"No."

"Hamster?"

"No."

"Guinea Pig?"

"No."

"Chinchilla?"

"No, no, no, no, no, and no Yuffie." Leon shook his head. "We don't have time to look after a pet. We _**HAVE**_ to rebuild the town."

"What if I got a self-sufficient pet that no-one was allergic to?"

"Good luck with that." Leon rubbed out part of the plan. "But Yuffie?"

"Yeah?"

"You mustn't steal an animal."

"Do you have such a low opinion of me?"

"Yes."

* * *

"So," The Pet Shop owner frowned. "You want a pet that is self-sufficient, but not a dog, cat, parrot, goldfish, hamster, Guinea Pig, or a Chinchilla."

"That is correct." Yuffie nodded solemnly. "Got anything?"

"Well, I'm pleased to say all our animals could fit in at any home." The owner – Julie – smiled pleasantly.

"This isn't a home. This is a restoration committee."

"They'll fit in there as well." Julie smiled. "Now, here we have a rabbit."

"Hm." Yuffie looked at the rabbit. "He's… pretty quiet."

"Oh, you want a louder pet?"

"Mm." Yuffie looked around. "Got anything?"

"I'm sure one of ours pets will be compatible."

**_"HACKA!"_** A blue blob leapt off the ceiling, and landed in a sink full of soapy water, splashing it everywhere.

"…But not that one." Julie wiped a few bubbles off her face. "You'll have to excuse him. That's Stitch. He's not one of our pets, but he thinks-"

**_"OH!!"_** Yuffie squealed. "He's so _cute_!"

"Pardon?" Julie did a double take of the ninja.

"How brilliant are you?" Yuffie bent over and pulled Stitch out of the sink. "You are awesome! Where does he come from?"

"Oh." Julie was clearly thrown by this. "Well, he's the result of an alien experiment actually."

"Who'd experiment on him!?" Yuffie scowled, hugging Stitch tightly. "Tell me who, I'll kick their butt!"

"He arrived on Radiant Garden after it was freed from darkness. He helped the Keyblade master apparently." Julie snickered to herself. She highly doubted THAT particular rumour.

"Oh, I remember! He was shooting heartless with his little gun thing!" Yuffie's beam returned. "I'll take him!"

* * *

**_"WHAT?!"_**

"Look at him!" Yuffie held Stitch up.

"I am looking at him Yuffie. Hence my '**_WHAT?!_**'"

"He's so sweet!"

"Yuffie, he's an alien!"

"A **_CUTE_** alien." Yuffie pouted. "He's none of the banned animals, and he's definitely self sufficient. Aren't you?"

"Ahhhhhh!" Stitch wriggled out of Yuffie's arms. He beamed at Leon and held up one arm. "Stitch."

"He's polite as well!" Yuffie grinned. "Well! Be polite back!"

"Huh…" Leon sighed. "Leon." He muttered shaking Stitch's arm, pleased that Cloud Strife was off fighting Sephiroth somewhere. If he had seen him, he would have never lived it down…

"Ohana!" Stitch beamed. "Ohana… means 'family'."

"Look at that! He's multilingual!" Yuffie beamed.

"Family means… No-one gets left behind." Stitch was quiet. "I have no family…"

"Oh…" Yuffie gave Leon a long pleading look. Leon sighed again, and had the distinct impression that saying no would end up in destruction being bombarded on Radiant Garden.

Still, Stitch creeped him out a bit, and he had a feeling others would agree with him.

Then again, Yuffie's 'All creation' hurt like a paintball in the head. And Stitch had very large, sweet eyes.

"……He can stay."

"YES!!!" Yuffie leapt up in the air. "You have Ohana now Stitch!"

"I have… family?"

"Yep!" Yuffie grinned, doing what she called her 'Victory Dance'.

Leon personally referred to it as the dance of the drunken moogle.

"Come on!" Yuffie ran out of the door. "Come meet everyone else Stitch!"

"… She's crazy." Stitch said. The blue alien smiled at Leon, before following Yuffie out of the door.

"Hm." Leon smiled after the little alien.

Maybe he and Stitch had more in common than he thought.

* * *

**Stitch is cute!!**

**Look at him!! And he has his little gun! *Coos over Stitch***

**Random I know, still, I hope you enjoyed it!**

**Peace out!**


End file.
